Entries Tagged 'Good and Evil' ↓

I had a dream that I went to a restaurant with family. We ordered a lot of food, so much in fact that we had to split into two tables because the original just couldn’t hold it all. But really there was just barely enough room, so the people at my table got up to chat with the others but never came back so I was all alone the whole time and no one noticed. The waitress was very nice. She was japanese american. They brought me my food(yes I know this is out of order, but hey it’s a dream) but ended up forgetting my drinks. I felt so bad in the dream that I did not even mention it until the end when the nice japanese american waitress came and asked if everything was ok. The meal and such, like they usually ask, not me. I told her about the drinks and she and the manager both felt bad and apologized. The drinks had gone to the other table, no one there noticed. At this point I became aware it was a dream and woke up.

This is just a personal entry. The point being that even when I dream, I seem to feel and be alone and/or have those feelings of low worth, being unimportant, being unnoticed, being insignificant, etc.

As a side note,

oddly enough the waitress seemed to be the only center figure besides me. I remember her face and she was genuinely nice, not fake. the family were actually faceless and not specified individually at all and mostly unimportant.

This is the very blog I ever did, I put it on myspace many months ago and thought I’d repost it here since, well… honestly it helps fill this up with content!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Agoraphobia Current mood: hyper Category: Life So I am pretty hyper at the moment. Why you ask? Maybe another time! What better time to write my first blog you say!?! I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been wanting to for a while now! I thought it would be nice and important in some way to shed some light on something not everyone is aware of even exists. I know I sure wasn’t aware of it for a long time until I saw something about it on TV one day which helped me out immensely. It’s a phobia by the name of Agoraphobia. Definitions can vary depending on where you look but it’s basically a fear of unknown situations, or crowded situations/places, or a fear of leaving a safe secure place and going out into the unknown. Panic or anxiety attacks can happen to people suffering from this when in those situations. This is no fear of spiders or heights. Agoraphobia can be devastating to a persons life. It can lead to things such as the inability to hold a job and withdrawl from family, friends, and society. Simple tasks many take for granted are often daunting for someone with Agoraphobia. Simple things such as making a phone call or leaving their home. This can also make treatment very difficult in more severe cases. It is very treatable but it can be very confusing until you realize what is happening. You may not even notice something is wrong for a very very long time and even then you may not understand what it is or confuse it for something else. You may simply start avoiding people and situations. A good indication that something is wrong is a desire to do something or go somewhere, yet an overpowering anxiety or need to avoid it. Even thinking about the situations can cause fear, anxiety, panic, terror. Here is a wikipedia article on Agoraphobia Ok enough rambling. I’m sure a grand total of 2 people will read this. One being me.

This is still a problem for me, but has greatly decreased. Anxiety levels vary depending on the day. I have flip flopped back and forth over the months since I first wrote that from full anxiety, to no anxiety at all when going out, back to full anxiety and not wanting to go out, to currently medium to no anxiety again.

There is no doubt this is something I have. Took a long time to figure it out but at least now I realize it.